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Create in me a clean heart

The month of March has swiftly taken me from one season to another, primarily from mobile to immobile. As many know I was blessed with a fractured big toe. How strange that I would use the word “blessed”. Had I of written this piece a couple of weeks ago I would have expressed an entirely different set of emotions. I have been taken on a seemingly different journey which has given God an opportunity to do some deeper work in me.

blog april 2

Back with my sister in Christ ❤ 

Funnily enough a mere 3 weeks ago I asked God to take away anything  I was relying on that wasn’t him. Any idols of sorts that I had used in my life which put a block In between me and the love of my father. I have come to realise that we really ought to be careful what we prayer for because we just might get it. When we ask for this are we truly aware of the request we wish to be granted? It is imperative that we learn that this could potentially be the start of a very difficult and painful journey.  If we understand this then by all means but ensure that we work with God and people around us that have been put in place to help us with this journey.

Being unable to walk properly meant ofcourse that I could not fulfil my ordinary work duties and could not exercise at the same level I was previously doing so. Two components which are very dear to my heart. After the initial accident (Only Ash could drop a barbell on her toe) I found myself laying in bed under the influence of a lot of painkillers venturing on a path of tremendous self-pity. I felt like I was useless. I had nothing to give during this season of injury. I felt restless and frankly quite bored. I am so used to running around from 5.30 am to 10:00pm, I am the definition of active and yet here I was horizontal without a barbell in my hand. Try as I might I just could not pray. It was as if a fog had been placed over my mind. The only voices that coursed through me were that I had nothing to give and that I had let down the people around me. In my mind I had failed.

When you’ve nothing to do there is only one place to run and that is into the arms of Jesus. He wants to shower us with his love and kindness and he also has a thing or two to tell us in regard to our current situation. This time he had more to speak to me about where else I had been placing my identity. My testimony is a beautiful story of love, redemption and freedom from placing my self-worth in worldly pleasures and the wrong people, I do however still have some work to do. It is clear that I still attach a lot of my identity to my work and being an athlete as well as  a big concern for body image. I have been meeting with some trusted friends in my team and church to pray with and letting them fight for me and love me. In this season of rest God is teaching me so many things, the main take away still stands to be that we are children of God and nothing can change that, he does not look to our outward appearance or performance, he looks at our heart.

blog april

Before I had the joy of breaking my toe, Nightlight welcomed a very busy month in March with a large focus on International Women’s day. A wonderful day in the calendar which focuses on celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievement of women. We took to the streets with gift bags containing sweets, makeup and cards with affirming words on. Not only this but we set out with the intention of inviting women working on the street to our Medical Clinic. I have mentioned this in a previous blog post but just clarify that our clinic is held quarterly and is an opportunity for women to come and have their sexual health tested alongside any other concerns they may have. This time we welcomed in a good mix of Thai and international women. On this evening we also hold a little gathering place upstairs in our outreach centre as a place where the women can come and hangout and have their nails done whilst waiting to see a doctor. It’s a beautiful chance to get to know the women’s hearts and just be in their presence. I was fortunate to spend a good 45 minutes with a Thai girl called * Lu. She sat and did my nails and we just got to share with each other some things we were going through. I was able to give a little insight into my past whilst listening to a portion of her story. It was beautiful and I am so glad God blessed me with that moment.

Mid March I had the huge blessing of being able to take some time off and attend the Hill song Colour Conference for women and I can truly say it really was one of those Mountain Top moments where God spoke to me so very clearly. It set a new fire in my heart and spoke vision over me. It was in this moment that I knew that God was calling me to give my life for women who do not have a voice. I’m too far gone to back out now. My heart is too invested to simply walk away.  It was around this time that I made that slightly too bold a statement of asking God to take away any idols in my life. What we sometimes don’t realise is that we are called down from the mountain top and commanded to take action. We can’t simply live our lives on the mountain top with that warm fuzzy glow around us. We must roll up our sleeves and get into the trenches whether that includes fighting for social justice, feeding the hungry or simply forgiving a friend for the hurt they caused you. We are called to live out the things that are put on our heart, it’s a daily sacrifice and takes us to stop and just be open to what God is doing in our lives. Little, tiny steps of obedience

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Hillsong Colour Confrence- “We are vision carriers and Armour bearers

As we step boldly and brightly into April, I look forward to many things. I am excited to get back into my usual work routines once my foot has recovered and I look forward to welcoming a new team from YWAM Australia who are coming to help with the ministry. They will be brightening up our Live Music Friday’s and bringing some fresh voices amid the darkness. We are so grateful when people wish to come and share their gifts with us at Nightlight.

Some of the girls and I at Nightlight have been praying over our Outreach and how we can best meet the needs of the woman and what it means to truly meet them where they are at.  How can we model the way Jesus met with people back in the gospels? At the end of the day that’s what’s it’s all about. We want to love in the absolute best way that we can.

For all who pray I would absolutely appreciate some prayer at this time-

  • Over healing of my foot and that I wouldn’t be a silly billy and rush through life. I am learning to take things a little slower.
  • Pray for all the women that came to our Medical clinic, I want them to know that we see them and they are valued no matter their medical conditions or the life they are currently living.
  • We need fresh perspective over our outreaches and how we approach women on the street. What does this look like? Breathe new life into our outreaches.

Thankyou and God bless

 

 

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