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The voice that shoots you down

Ever get that voice in your head that tells you that you can’t do it? It’s way past your ability and God has for sure made some kind of mistake? I do. It happens regularly. It’s these times I have to straighten my crown and remember whose daughter I am.

Last Tuesday as part as our Evangelism and Community engagement course we were told to go into Northfield (Birmingham) and carry out a variety of tasks. Looking back, these tasks were not so huge, last Tuesday you would have thought they’d asked me to carry out brain surgery. All that was asked of me was to go into the community and talk to people, find out the needs of the community and talk about how the church has a part to play in Northfield. That was it. All of a sudden the thought of engaging in conversation with strangers terrified me. It filled me dread, ignoring the fact that this is something that I would do on a regular basis without a second thought. It was those voices that told me that no one would want to listen to me. It was that childhood fear of rejection all over again. Needless to say I sent my prayers and my anxieties up to God and I knew then just why I was doing what I was doing.

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After the stress and worry of last week I’ve spent some time really delving into God’s word and learning just what he says about us as children of God. Luke1 vs 45 tells us “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfil his promises to her”. God has made a lifelong series of promises to me and it’s important that I go back to these regularly. 2 weeks ago these promises were revisited when we had the Leadership course with Lynn and Simon, an incredibly insightful course that taught me so much.  We looked at issues such as dealing with conflict and how to be Godly and influential leaders.  Coming away from that course seriously put some fire into my tummy. It’s been on my heart to really fight for those people most marginalised in the world. After my mid-term placement in Bangkok who knows where this passion will take me. I’ve had a burning desire to go back to studying a degree to give me the best chance I can have of working in this sector. After the mess of my last attempt at a degree I am more surprised than anyone that this has been put on my heart but there we go, God surprises us! I am filled with such an excitement to go back into study in the future and have been looking at distance learning degrees for subjects such as sociology and gender studies.

What a great month ey! All of the emotions have been flying around IMC. All in the name of Mission! I can’t go without mentioning the Incredible day I spent in Halifax with some of my most beautiful gym buddies. We all travelled up North (The North is cold. Oh so cold) to compete in the CrossFit Competition “Rep it Out”. Such an amazingly fun day. It was so nice to get out of IMC for a weekend, switch off and throw some heavy weights around! I got a Personal Best of my Snatch (Olympic lift) and went away with some things to learn. I Cannot wait to see what the cross fitting world of Bangkok has to offer me.

 

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This face sums my emotions up in one! I had been chasing this weight for a long time and on this day it came!

 

 It’s now nearly half way through this time of study before Thailand officially becomes my home!

Until next time..

1 Comment

  1. Keith Dunnett says

    So encouraging to see you continuing to grow in faith, love, witness and assurance Ashleigh, praying for you at Christ Church Abingdon, Keith

    Like

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